I dont even know where to begin.
You blame everyone for your own problems, the problems that you bring upon yourself. What happened at home wasent even a big deal you just keep acting like a child for some reason. You need to grow up and start straightening out your priorities and do what you should be doing which is work and get good grades. What youve put me through recently was bad and some of it you dont deserve to be forgiven for but you know i will because you know that i love you no matter what, from the bottom of my heart. You have major issues and you need to fix them for yourself before i can, i tried so hard in this, i put my whole self into this, i always did what you wanted me to do, i always listened to what you dont want me to do and i wouldnt dare do it again, i always did what you wanted to do before what i wanted to do. You dont understand how much i do for you. What im saying is, is that you put yourself first before anyone, before me. Im saying that is a good thing in a way because you know you need to love yourself before you can love anyone else, but you dont really love yourself so how do you expect to actually truly love me. You expect everyone else to do for you and you shouldnt have to lift a finger but i dont understand why. You have flaws just like me but i deal with yours and love you no matter what but you just sit around and always threaten to end us. but why? i never have done that and i have never said the things you say to me, i wouldnt ever think to treat you like how you treat me. You blame me for your problems and why your miserable. what happened to you with this past week was the decisions you made and you know that, so why cant you just be honest with yourself and admit to your actions just like i did last night. I love you so much it hurts and it breaks my heart that you could easily walk away for me whenever you want, i never walk away from you, i always run after you….something you never do for me. When your upset at me for something i should be mad at you for im right there in your bed hugging you telling you its okay and that nothing matter, i love you. I try to give you the best advice so you wont get in trouble again but your to stubborn and thats whats always going to hurt you, i want to try in this and make it work but its not going to if you dont try to and give me trust. weve been in this on and off i gave you so many chances i cant even count them this year, i let so much shit youve done slide and you cant even try. the worst problem of it all is that i have never done any of the shit youve done to me but yet you dont trust me. we cant be together if you dont trust me im telling you right now…it wont work. You always question weather i love you or care enough but really i should be questioning you about that. I love everything about you no matter what anyone says. your so diffrent from anyone ive ever been with i dont want anyone else. You have a diffrent mindset then anyone else, ive seen you be the sweetest guy in the world and i love that guy. Your so talented and your writing is beautiful, you are a beautiful person in every way granted you do have issues but so do i and youve delt with them and loved me anyway. Your so adventurous and you dont give a fuck what anyone thinks of you or even if they are talking shit. when your not thinking about another girl like in the past your so loyal and you are loyal to me in that aspect. your funny, and have the best sense of humor and the best taste in music ive ever seen, your such a brave person as well, and your so smart. i love that your so smart its so appealing, i love that sometimes i can sit up in your room and talk…actually have a conversation with you and it can be funny and serious and just a connection all at the same time. despite all you faults and my faults it doesnt matter when it comes to us and thats how i feel…because theres no one else i would rather be with. i may think otherwise sometimes when im upset but at the end of the day i always feel the same way that ive always felt about you. your just a great person. no matter what happens i still want you and i want us to work out but i dont get why you dont feel the same way. it just makes me upset that i can love and care more then you, how i can comfort you and say sorry a millions times and always be there for you right next to you whenever you need me but to me it doesnt seem like you can do all those things because you havent tried. i waited such a long time for you to finally be with me, even though i went through so much and that never phases you because it was in the past but even though it didnt matter much ….it was so easy for you to get me back …you knew you could do it and thats how youve taken advantage. i want you to actually try and put me first make me your priority like i make you mine. i just dont like that fact that you can always say horrible things about me to my face, you think so horribly of me, that really brings me way down, especially because your my boyfriend and you should be supporting me, i support you in everything you do …why cant you do that for me? tonight i dont even want to go to banquet now but i just might…it really makes me feel bad that you said you needed me tonight and my comfort but what about me? i need you to comfort me but instead you tell me to fuck off. i wanted to do something for myself and have a good night and see you after but you wont even do that for me and thats why i wanna go still tonight, i do everything for you but you cant just support me in anything positive i do. if you cant trust me and think im this horrible person when you know im not then …yeah why do we even bother with each other. the sad part is, is that i know what i want, you obviously dont. but in the end i love you no matter what, i wanna be happy with you but you need to give me the time of day first….we need to work shit out and you need to start listening and do what your suppose to be doing, you say shes fucking up your life but all i see if you fucking up your own life. im saying all of this because i need you to know how i feel and i need to understand, but i dont know if you will ever understand and i dont know if your even going to love me the way i love you. you asked me to be there for you and to not go tonight to prove myself when really your the one that needs to be there for me and to prove yourself to me, that you want to be in this with me still, i always put my problems aside for you why cant you do the same and love me as me? i want you to not see me as just a pretty face…not a girl that is only good for sex and for showing off…not a girl to control and be unfair to. I want to be the girl you love everything about like how i am with you…i want to be the girl that you talk about saying im a beautiful person on the inside like i do with you…i want to be respected and loved and cared for, just like i do with you.
-it may be fucked up to many people but,
-i love you.
…probably not, sorry.
i ended up smoking weed everyday and taking acid constantly
you have a long ways to go if you want this to last.
so i decided to get back on tumblr to expresss my emotions
Well its been awhile, havent been on tumblr or facebook, as a teen its like life to us but now its just dumb, we act like we arent in touch with the world unless we are on the book ect. so im signing off, and i cant say my life is that entertaining anymore, but after this last year i cant wait to get outta this town and make something of myself, you can stay in broken down Norristown but i will never come back.
